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Monday, August 03, 2009
12:00 AM i'm sorry .. there WAS something wrong .. there WAS something going through my mind that day , today and will go through it for a long time .. the reason i kept saying it was nothing was because YOU are the reason why i'm feeling and acting this way .. how do you expect me to say it to you ? the feelings are getting worse .. now everytime somebody mentions you and tom , my face turns such a dark shade i'm surprised it hasn't stuck yet .. did you know i felt like punching jiayang for saying what he said just now ? i wanted so desperately to ask you whether what he said was true or not but alas .. a coward i am .. did you notice on that day , i got even quieter after you mentioned that you and wanyee went to find him that night you ran away from home ? did you notice that i didn't want to look you in the eyes lest you should see something dying slowly inside me ? did you notice that i didn't want to sit too near you , should you be able to hear my heart shattering .. and to think , i waited till around 2.30 + to get a msg from wanyee saying you still didn't want to come my house .. i went to bed ANGRY because i waited for nothing !! i went to bed ANGRY because i couldn't do anything to help you when you needed company the most .. i went to bed ANGRY but mostly just at myself .. you don't know but you've already found out how i really feel about you .. i really don't want to destroy the friendship we have now but .. this jealousness .. this running away .. I WANT IT TO STOP !! the more i run , the more i want to be with you !! do you really think i have got nothing to do besides going all the way down to sgh and accompanying you for 45 minutes ? do you think i will wake up at 5am in the morning just to wake you up if you were just some friend to me ? i wouldn't even bother helping you with the batam trip preparations given the choice .. heck i wouldn't even GO !! i was happy till he came along .. pissed me off so much that's why i kinda yelled at wanyee some more .. i've been talking to riyan about the trip and she's right .. either i choose to enjoy it or i choose to ruin it .. by enjoying i have to control my emotions , swallow that green monster that always comes out whenever he's near you , and basically act dumb .. |
me
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